Day 24- Candida, I hate you.

I went to see my acupuncturist on Thursday for a checkup and the second round of supplements.  I described to him that I initially felt better but have noticed the bloating getting worse and now it is back to a daily symptom.  When I take out everything that it delicious and I am still bloated, it really makes me question if it's the food at all.  What is the worst thing he could say to me at this point, really? Well, he said it.
No more sugar.
Aaaacccckkkk, what??? I thought I was barely surviving trading in cookies for fruit and now no fruit either? It turns out sugar has always been my common denominator.  From the previous elimination diets to the daily gluten-free, dairy-free lifestyle, I've always maintained sugar as a constant ingredient.  I have been conscious of my choices however,  I pretty much always ate homemade treats that were sweetened with fruit, dates, honey, agave, or raw unrefined sugars. I thought using flours like quinoa, buckwheat, garbanzo and almond flours were a better choice than the bleached refined white flours everyone else eats and enjoys in this society. I remember my first elimination diet allowed brown rice syrup and molasses. That was easy.  Even when I was told in the beginning to rid my life of bread and cheese, my most common meal in many forms, I thought "at least they aren't telling me to stop eating cookies, I would have no reason to live." I am so sick of people saying to me they don't know how I do it,  they would just die if they couldn't eat (insert anything). If constant pain was their motivating factor and a life less than desired, it wouldn't be so hard.  Sorry, sometimes I let out that  negativity monster I try so hard not to share with others.
So back to Candida, I hate you. You make my life miserable, I want to rid my body of you. This is my new mantra and I will be using it to get myself through the next month of what I imagine to be the hardest yet.  Since I have never fully eliminating sugar from my diet, this is the next step.  It seems likely that I continue to feed the yeast with the sugars I am ingesting, therefore it continues to thrive. Even with the supplements that are trying to kill the yeast, any "die-off" can also cause bloating, and any that remain are feeding off my sugar addiction (that they started, I'm sure).  So I am on a new research path for now, candida and how I can kill it. I like researching and learning even more so I'm trying to look at it as a positive learning experience.

Compromise...
Since my acupuncturists widely agrees that I am human and starving myself of carbs can cause other harmful effects (mostly making one feel crazy), he has agreed to a compromise. There is a scale that describes what foods are best and worst for yeast inhibition so as an experiment he said I can add in whole grains in place of fruit (grains are lower on the list than fruit). This is not to say that every meal can be a giant bowl of rice but instead of snacking on fruit, replace it with quinoa or rice.  I was already separating my fruit from meals for the last week, as I had done this before the detox hoping food combining was the answer.  In small portions even added to meals, it is thought I will feel more full therefore feeling less like a sugary snack as often as I do. I will try this for 2 weeks and see how I feel. Obviously if I can work up to no grains, that is the goal.  I will share with you more research as I learn other interesting tidbits.
Since I don't believe in wasting, I am going to expeditiously eat the remainder of fruit I have and rid myself of any other items that I can not hide or freeze indefinitely.  It shouldn't take more than a few days. I have to finish this program strong and disciplined with gusto and perseverance. Its all I can do before giving up, especially when I am told it is extremely optimistic to think I will be healed in 4 weeks when this is over.  Also, if I feel 80% better, than I am on the right track. If not, I need to find a new path. Not very inspiring words to look forward to.

Coconut fruit leather-  allowed?

Food Journal Day 23 Wednesday
Breakfast: protein shake with spinach, carrot juice, cultured coconut milk, blueberries, banana
Snack: coconut bites

Lunch: tuna salad w/avocado, artichoke, cucumber, carrrot, sunflower seed, lemon juice in lettuce wraps, kombucha

Dinner: sweet potato w/ avocado and broccoli, olive oil & salt
Dessert: applesauce (for pills) and coconut fruit leather

Coconut fruit leather:  mixed dried unsweetened coconut, cinnamon, cocoa powder and flax meal with simmered raspberries and cherries and then a small amount of coconut milk to desired consistency. Spread thin (1/4-1/2 in.) on parchment paper over baking sheet and bake at 350F for 25 min. I tore apart into small bite size pieces and moved outside pieces to middle after 15 min to get consistent crusty edges. The final product is very thin but holds together well in small pieces,  it's also tart and tastes too good to be allowed on this diet.


Food Journal Day 24 Thursday
Breakfast: protein shake with normal stuff

Lunch: salad with roasted beets and crab meat, herbal tea
Snack: coconut fruit leather
Snack: frozen coconut mango

Dinner: cedar plank salmon, grilled asparagus, spinach

Day 21- 3 weeks over, 5 more to go

At 3 weeks in, I wanted to share with you the adaptations I've made during this life-altering program. Don't be fooled if you think it won't flip your life upside down.

The most noticeable difference I can feel is in my kitchen.  I usually have fresh fruit and veggies out on the counter where I can see them.  It used to be rock hard limes, rotten bananas or sprouting potatoes. My fridge has (almost) gone through a metamorphosis.  There is a snack shelf, a leftover meals shelf and the veggie and fruit drawers are full. There is still beer for friends and neighbors when they come over and the cheese drawer is taped shut so I can't even look inside. The reality of living with another prevents removing everything I'd like to. The freezer has plenty of space now for my fish, it used to be full of processed boxes of dinners and such. I hardly ever open the cabinet anymore.  The only reason to open the door is for canned tuna, cans of coconut milk or a jar of artichokes. I call this the carb cabinet now because I would ALWAYS go to it for crackers, chips, and cookies.  Now that I'm not eating that stuff anymore, I realize my entire cabinet is full of CRAP!
 I am going to the grocery store weekly now to always have fresh veggies like spinach and chard and berries on hand. My grocery bills are much higher now, I used to buy what was on sale, now I don't have that luxury. I have made friends with my local seafood man, we have nice conversations every week.  I am still buying fish on sale, but only wild caught and since I go every week I am only buying enough for the week. It also keeps a constant variety in my diet and I am trying new fish I've never cooked before.

As far as lifestyle is concerned, I spend most of my time at home which keeps me more isolated than normal.  I don't look forward to social gatherings right now because food is the worst temptation for me. I haven't been drinking for quite some time so the bar is not a problem for me.  I usually bring food if I'm going to someone's house but restaurants are tough. I have found a few local places that have one thing on the menu that's safe, but unknown situations and unplanned meals occur and I end up starving and frustrated. It's best to plan your meals so you don't make bad choices. I avoid situations that I know will test my willpower. Sure, I should be strong enough to overcome them but I am human, and not about to walk past the donut store to smell that intoxicating scent just to torture myself.
I feel so much better when I exercise but lately I've been struggling with getting enough activity. I always find an excuse not to go to the gym, and the fact that it's been below zero lately doesn't help.  I need to work on prioritizing exercise and incorporating it daily instead of making excuses.  Once my finger heals I will get back into rock climbing and hopefully trapeze. It helps to find things that are stimulating and enjoying, I will look into this more. What do you love to do for exercise?

Lastly, it's worth noting my mood is ever changing. Some days I'm happy and positive and other days I am a tornado of negativity. I am trying to adapt to the roller coaster of emotions by acknowledging that every day is different and trying to pinpoint what makes one day better than another. I have learned a lot about pain and it's role in mood and also healing. I'd like to get into this further at a later point with a clearer mind.


Food Journal Day 21 Monday

Valentines sashimi dinner

My salads aren't very pretty

Breakfast: protein shake with carrot juice, coconut milk, spinach, blueberries, half banana
Lunch: spinach salad w/ leftover cod and veggie latkes, sunflower seeds, lemon oil dressing, kombucha
Snack: blended frozen banana and coconut milk (to take pills with) 
Dinner: sashimi, seaweed, daikon, green tea
Dessert: mango mochi ball




Food Journal Day 22 Tuesday
Breakfast: protein shake with spinach, carrot juice, coconut milk, banana
Lunch: salad with shrimp, artichoke, lemon oil vinaigrette
Snack: fruit leather (at the grocery store and starving)
Dinner: veggie "stir-fry": asparagus, butternut squash, leftover cod, avocado, lemon oil dressing, kombucha
Dessert: coconut yogurt with blueberries and hempseeds
Snack: applesauce (to take pills with)

So I finally reached my limit and broke...

Now that the weekend is almost over, I can finally move past my bad behavior and get onto the right track again.  I had a meltdown and decided to give myself a "cheat night" in order to get it out of my system and work towards an improved balance, and not be such a "negative Nelly". It started with meeting friends at a bar, then a cocktail.  Since I haven't drank in quite some time, my self-control and willpower floated right out the door. Moving on to a restaurant, I tried to choose the least harmful dinner and received curried collard greens which besides the curry were allowed and a butternut squash fritter, which was definitely not allowed (as it was battered and fried). We had pickles, crispy brussel sprouts (crunchy but seemed fairly acceptable) and then another cocktail. Any resistance I had left at that point was gone so I convinced myself to get an ice cream sandwich because if I was really going to cheat then tonight was the night to do it.
I  feel like a small weight has been lifted. I have been so hard on myself about my diet and pretty much everything else that this gives me a good opportunity to practice being kind to myself, to remember I'm only human and I make mistakes and it's OK.  I have learned this from my very talented counselor and more sessions than my insurance would pay for, but who's counting.  I understand I have a problem (for now, my sugar addiction) and it's not to be approached casually nor will it resolve itself without more effort than I originally imagined. I can grasp the severity of the addiction now, after the ecstasy I felt eating the cookies off the ice cream sandwich.
Now this is not meant to say it's OK for all of you to follow my bad behaviors and I do not want you to follow in my footsteps.  I will have to live with the consequences of my actions (my dad's favorite saying when I was a kid) and this blog ultimately is a record for me to track my experiences so it's important I'm honest, even when I'm not the best role-model.
So say what you want to say, I'm an adult. I can take criticism. Besides, now I feel like I can better manage the next 40 days while approaching the end with a better attitude.

Just some thoughts:
-does curry always include a spice from peppers? I've seen so many different curry blends, maybe there's one without the peppers. Because oops, I used it in my soup today and realized it tasted too good to be allowed.

-with the deluge of diets out there preaching superior theories over others, how does one figure out which style is right for them without trying every single one and wasting a lot of time.  I've researched everything related to digestive health and diseases and experimented with food combining, low GI, and the popular gluten-free, dairy free, soy free, nut free and more I'm sure I'm forgetting.  I am interested in learning more about the blood type diet but more for my own knowledge, not that I want to follow it right after this experience. Any experiences or thoughts you have about diets you've tried before getting to this Leaky Gut trial?

-I want to start tracking my restaurant meals so I can get a better idea of how often I eat out and how that changes what I eat. Not sure of the best way to track it. Maybe I'll start with a different color.


Food Journal Day 17 Thursday
Breakfast: protein shake with spinach, carrot juice, blueberries, raspberries, 8 drops stevia
Lunch: salad with shrimp, artichokes, balsamic vinaigrette, tea (restaurant)
Snack: fruit salad (apple, blueberries, strawberries), herbal tea
Dinner: roasted butternut squash, steamed broccoli

Food Journal Day 18 Friday
Breakfast: protein shake with spinach, carrot juice, cultured coconut milk, blueberries, stevia
Snack: blueberries, 2 coconut bites (similar to coconut cherry bites, see recipe later)
Lunch: salad with veggies, balsamic vinaigrette, herbal tea
Snack: 2 coconut bites

Pre dinner Cocktail

Dinner: pickles, curried collard greens, butternut squash fritter, crispy brussel sprouts, cocktail
Dessert: ginger cookie ice cream sandwich
Food Journal Day 19 Saturday
Breakfast: protein shake w/ spinach, carrot juice, cultured coconut milk, blueberries, strawberries, half banana, stevia
Lunch: leftover tuna salad, avocado, butternut squash, broccoli, fruit salad, kombucha
Snack: coconut bites, pumpkin seeds, cucumber water
Dinner:lobster meat, dipped in olive oil& lemon juice, steamed asparagus
Dessert: quarter cup coconut ice cream (GF, DF but not sugar free!)
Food Journal Day 20 Sunday
Breakfast: protein shake with normal stuff
Snack: peach in coconut milk
Lunch: homemade carrot soup with avocado and hemp seed, roasted sunchokes
Snack: quarter ounce of dark chocolate, olives, squash chips
Dinner: lemon pepper cod, vegetable "latkes"


Coconut bites: blended 1/2 cooked sweet potato, shredded unsweetened coconut, flax meal and coconut milk until desired consistency. Added drops of stevia to taste.  Baked at 350F for 20 min but still gooey in middle.  Just for fun I tried adding sunflower seed butter to a little of the batter and it tasted good.  Because it has sugar mixed into the seeds I am trying to avoid it during this program.

Carrot soup with avocado and hempseeds

Carrot soup: sauteed red onion and fresh ginger in olive oil, then added chopped carrots. After 10 minutes added vegetable broth, cooked for 10 more min. Pureed in blender, returned to pot, added S&P to taste. Boring so added curry powder (technically not allowed due to the hot pepper content) and small amount coconut milk to desired consistency. Served hot with diced avocado and hempseeds. 


Vegetable Latkes: I didn't know how to make these before this diet so I am going out on a limb here. I grated zucchini, yellow squash, carrot, red onion, chopped spinach, seasoned with Italian herbs and S&P, then mixed with flax meal and coconut milk mixture. I also added some of the leftover cauliflower mashed potatoes to try and bind ingredients together. I placed spoonfuls on a hot griddle, spread thin and cooked for close to 15 minutes, flipping over occasionally.  They don't hold a shape initially but by the end they resemble small pancakes. Good luck!